Moms are Obsessed With Being a #BoyMom Heres Why We Need to Stop

Moms are Obsessed With Being a BoyMom Heres Why We Need to Stop If you look on Instagram, youll find 6.6 million boymom posts and only 2 million girlmom posts.Im guilty of it. Many are. We take pride in our kids. And because of that, we sometimes take pride in the uncontrollable pieces of them like their gender. But when you dig a little deeper and really think about it, what does being a boymom even mean?Ive always felt like the declaration of boymom is used by a parent trying to embrace the mess, the smell and the general chaos of raising boys. But isnt that radical acceptance of a chaotic life necessary of all parents, regardless of their childs gender? I have to wonder if we arent perpetuating a stereotype of the male gender by blowing up this identification of a parenting experience as chaotic and difficult or as more important, and deserving of a greater degree of pride just because were raising boys instead of girls.Heres the thing I used to pride myself on being a boymom u ntil one of my kids started to come out as transgender. And now, here I am years later with an entirely socially transitioned transgender child, and my perception on gender has changed dramatically. If Ive learned anything about parenting, its that leidhing goes as planned. And more so, Ive learned that gender is fluid.Being the parent of a trans child has taught me many things lessons I would have never expected to have to research and consider in such depth on an almost daily basis. But here I am. And Im here to say that taking pride in being a boymom is dismissive of girls. Here are some reasons whyGirls can do anything boys can do.This is a message I send to my sons and daughter often. In the beginning, I mainly wanted my trans son to understand that being born a girl did NOT mean that he was limited to girl things. In navigating the waters of gender identity, I needed to know if he felt like he was living in the wrong body or if he felt wrong desiring things that went against societal gender norms.Boys arent the only ones with a special love for their mamas.As a matter of fact, my daughter is the one thats glued to my hip all day long, and my son is the one that crawls into bed with me. My daughter tells me Im beautiful, brings me a flower, and wants to cuddle all day long. All of my kids have their own adoration of me, but neither is even remotely related to their gender identity.Boys are smelly and gross but so are girls.My daughter has the stinkiest feet and the messiest room. She will eat an old grape she finds in the couch in under a second flat and not think twice about it. Disgusting kid behaviors do not discriminate on gender.Boymom implies all things boy mom.But what if your boy doesnt fit the boy mold? What if he likes his fingers painted or playing with dolls. What if he turns out to be (gasp) transgender When I think of boy moms, I think of soccer/baseball/basketball mom running kids from one activity to the next in her minivan with cleats l ittering their minivan and dirty jocks laying around the house. I have my own stereotype to defeat in this regard. Girls play sports too. I know a little girl who plays tackle football every fall with the boys, and shes just as tough, if not tougher, than many of her male counterparts. My girl likes to collect bugs with her brothers and make mud pies in the summer. She farts and eats her boogers and laughs when it grosses you out. She doesnt make me a boymom, but based on the stereotype that surrounds it, her behaviors sure do So, by having both boys and a girl, arent I dismissing my daughter one boy mom hashtag at a time?People seem to think that raising boys in todays climate is an extra crucial and daunting job. But is it? The boundary between right and wrong hasnt changed. Its the strength of girlsthat has changed. Its their ability to speak up, open up, and not allow victim shaming to dictate their lives anymore that has changed. I wouldnt raise my son differently now than I wo uld have before the MeToo movement.Women take pride in their children, thats for sure. From celebrating the smallest things like clapping and smiling to hitting home runs and acing big tests, we want to shower our kids with pride and show the world how much we appreciate them for who they are. But taking pride in being a boy mom diminishes the equality between the genders. It amplifies the stereotype and gives excuses for the boys will be boys behaviors. And it also completely disregards those that are gender fluid or non-binary. Lets stop using hashtags like girlmom and boymom, and just say what we really mean with the best intentions we had at heart and the most inclusive message. That is MOM.--Nicole is a realtor, divorced mom of three, and ally to the transgender community. As a mom who achieved her graduate degree alongside growing her family, she understands the importance of finding a work/life balance. Follow her onher blogwhere she focuses on family, parenting, divorce, and experiences of raising a young transgender child.Amanda Marscin is a photographer who takes free family photos for families with LGBTQ+ family members after theyve come out. You can find her atPainted Leaf Photography.